Friday, April 30, 2010

CELIK AKAL

hari ni memang bad day sy o. memang banyak yang buat sy stress.
tapi bila sa jalan jalan di blog kawan sy...sy dapat celik akal.
kebetulan, dia pun ada post pasal stress2 ni.
memang betul semua orang ada stress kan.
jadi kita mesti pandai mo control diri dan kasi lega diri sendiri.
dan hari ni sy ada buat juga macam macam cara mo kasi lega diri sy.
sy teriak satorang..nda jua jadi. doa...ada.
tapi sy ni jenis kalo yang ada masalah memang nda dapat kasi tinggal tu masalah telampau cepat. pastu sy try tidur mo kasi lupa semua.
tapi ntah sepa la ni yang bengong betul ni balik balik misscall.
kalo sy ada kredit mo ja sy call cakap jan kacau lagi. adoiii...
pastu sy tengok movie....tapi sy masih jua ingat tu problem.
sy ingat cakap kawan sy satorang ni...kalo dia ada problem...
dia tidur pastu bangun dia nda fikir lagi pasal tu problem dia.
sy mo da'a macam tu o. pastu bila jalan jalan d blog bespren sy..
sy tenampak post dia. cakap pasal stress2 ni.
bezanya..kawan sy banyak cakap pasal mo kasi rasional pikiran daripada sy...
banyak cakap pasal frust pasal ni benda.
kalo la sy boleh pikir macam dia.
tapi sy dapat celik akal. bukan semua orang setiap saat ada untuk kita.
kadang kadang kita hanya ada diri sendiri. sy mo betul pikiran sa macam tu o. bezanya...sy ni neurotic lebih. hehe...problem lagi.
sudahlah ambi kaunseling..macam mana o mo jadi kaunselor kalo pikiran pun sempit. betul kan. satu benda lagi sa blajar..
.teda guna mo susah hati telampau.
dan kita tidak dapat sentiasa bergantung sama orang lain.
true! oh God, sy mo jadi rasional macam tu. skarang, sy mo ok sudah ni.
memang macam malas mo pikir problem kan.
kadang kadang, kita hanya ada diri sendiri. MySpace

BAD DAY!

teriak teriak dalam bilik macam orang gilak. nda tau mo meluah sama sepa sebab sy sendiri sendiri. bila sy mo cakap sama orang lain, sy rasa macam sy buat dorang borink dengan sy. jadi sy fikir bagus sy stay dalam bilik cuba kasi tenang diri sendiri. tapi sy nda dapat. sy betul betul stress. banyak benda yang buat sy stress kebelakangan ni. cuma sebelum ni sy cuba sabar. cuba tenang. memang dapat. tapi bila makin banyak benda yang buat stress sy nda dapat handle satorang. sy teda sepa sepa tempat mo meluah. sy cakap satorang. tapi sy rasa macam gilak pla bila becakap satorang. time sy susah macam ni pla sy teda sepa sepa. sy mo happy. sy nda mo stress macam ni. sy nda tau mo share sama sepa. kalo sy share sini blog pun..bukan ni blog dapat bagi sy nasihat. bukan dapat bagi sy sokongan. teda. sy teda sepa sepa mo bagi sokongan. sy mo share sama mama di kampung tapi mama nda sihat. takkan sy mo kasi tambah susah hati dia pasal sy. sy macam sot da ni. nda terurus sudah. tapi s betul betul perlu somebody yang sy boleh talk to. boleh sokong sy. boleh bagi sa nasihat. tapi teda. sy malu mo share sama kawan kawan.sy tau cerita sy buat orang borink. tapi...sy just need somebody. sy cuba tengok movie supaya sy lupa apa yang buat sy stress. tapi nda dapat. sy cuba tidur. nda dapat. sy betul betul stress. sy stress. sa teda sepa sepa bila sy perlu.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

HARI INI EMO.

kadang kadang,
sa rasa macam teda yang luv sa o.
MySpace
macam teda kawan...macam teda sepa sepa. mama sa luv sa. adik adik luv sa.
tu sa tau... tapi, sa mo jua kena luv sama kawan kawan.
tapi...macam teda kawan yang luv sa. ni kali la paling!
PATHETIC! macam len pla bila sa rasa macam ni.
macam... 'mental' la pla. MySpace
sa nda suka ba rasa macam ni. sebab sa sendiri ni sakit.
kalo boleh, sa mo jadi macam orang len.
orang cakap..bagus jadi diri sendiri.
camana kalo bila sa jadi diri sendiri sakit betul rasa dia.
sa jeles bila tengok kawan kawan len macam saling luv luv.
nda macam sa..slalu sendiri. bila sa mo try dekat sama kawan kawan...
sa rasa macam sa INVISIBLE seja.
kadang kadang, bila sa makin kejar kawan kawan,
makin lae sa rasa macam tertinggal di belakang.
bila sa telampau luv sama tu kawan sa...
sa tau dia nda luv sa macam sa luv dia. 'mental' ka sa?? MySpace
sa tau kita nda boleh harap orang len luv kita macam kita luv dorang...
tapi bila sa macam ni... sa rasa sa ni...
SUFFERING FROM A LACK OF LUV.
betul betul la sa ni PATHETIC o.
mungkin sebab ni jua sa slalu kena kasi tinggal sama kawan kawan.
mungkin jua sebab sa nda tau camana cara mo bekawan.
mungkin sebab sa bukan kawan yang lucu.
mungkin jua sebab sa slalu emosi.
sa bukan jenis kawan yang 'THE BEST TYPE'.
sa slalu buat salah. slalu minta tolong sama kawan kawan.
mungkin sebab ni kawan kawan nda luv sa.
slalu lae sa kasi sakit ati kawan. sebab tu kawan kawan nda luv sa. MySpace sa slalu jadi jeles bila dengar kawan kawan ketawa hepi... sa slalu sendiri sendiri.

SEMUA NI SEBAB SALAH SA..
MySpace

Sunday, April 25, 2010

FAIRY TALES

since i was a little girl, i fall so much in love with fairy tales.
fairy tales told about finding a prince charming and fall in love and live happily ever after.
and i do believe in fairy tales.
MySpace

Ariel was such a cute girl! and she's got an amazing voice ever!
MySpace
i love this song:PART OF THAT WORLD

Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me.

I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad.
Look at this stuff,Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl,The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove,Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, she's got everything
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?No big deal
I want more...
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin'
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em?
Oh - feet!
Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Strolling along down a - what's that word again?
Street...
Up where they walk, up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wonderin' free - wish I could be
Part of that world...
What would I give if I could live out of these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Bet'cha on land they understand
That they don't reprimand their daughters
Proper women sick of swimmin',Ready to stand.
And ready to know what the people know
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word?
Burn?
When's it my turn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above?
Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world...

i love Cinderella the most!
MySpace
i love this song too: A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true
The dreams that i wish will come true
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true


Beauty and The Beast teached me not to judge people by his look. like my mom always said, dont judge a book by its cover!
MySpace

and this: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Tale as old as time

True as it can be
Barely even friends
Than somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small, to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the beast
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will arise
Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the beast.

but then, i realize...
fairy tales doesnt only talk about some prince charming..or fall in love..or live happily ever after.
it is about fulfilling our dreams and about standing strong for what we believe in.
never let the fear striking out,
keep you from playing the game.

fairy tales doesnt come true but dreams do come true.

yay!
MySpace

Friday, April 23, 2010

HUH!

selesai satu paper hari ini. sekarang saya rasa ini----->
MySpace
soalan nda susah sangat...memang nda susah pun kalo ada revision before exam. ni...berabis baca nota pun teda guna kalo nda masuk otak..adehhhh betul2 la niari spoil betul oo.. soalan exam sem2 lepas ba kena kasi kuar. bulat bulat lae tu..
MySpace
tapi sa nda baca soalan...sa teda bacaaaaa!! adoi..kenapa la sa nda baca soalan tu. padahal before tu sa cakap cakap sama kawan sa...
"mesti soalan sem lepas tu kena kasi kuar. lecturer kan malas buat soalan."
tapi sa nda baca...betul betul la sa ni ooo...
MySpace
dapat jawab jua sikit sikit...tapi bila ingat tu kertas soalan sem lepas yang berlimpangan di bilik...menyesal betul ni. depan mata ba...tapi gara gara malas.

sem depan sa nda mo
macam ni lagiiiii!!!
MySpace

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

CEMBURU

saya cemburu. MySpace

bila kawan kawan satu rumah masing masing mengisi borang untuk dapatkan perkhidmatan streamix di rumah. maksud saya, rumah d kampung.

sebenarnya....
bukan itu yang buat saya cemburu. bukan perkhidmatan streamix itu...tapi.. saya cemburu sebab kawan kawan dapat notebook percuma. notebook saiz keci yang saya idam idamkan. saya dan kawan saya adiq, hanya melihat betapa gembiranya kawan kawan yang lain mengisi borang itu. borang hijau dan borang berwarna merah jambu. sedih dan cemburu. tapi apa boleh buat..kami orang susah. MySpace
tidak mampu bersuka suka dengan benda itu. saya ingin call mama. tanya mama sama ada boleh ka saya menempah benda ini, tapi saya tau kalau saya tanya, mama akan dapat detect betapa saya mahukan benda ini. tapi kami orang susah. saya takut saya buat mama sedih. jadi, saya hanya melihat kawan kawan berwajah ria dan ketawa riang. saya cuba pujuk hati, mengatakan di rumah ada enam adik beradik yang lain. saya cuba pujuk lagi, kalau sudah kerja nanti boleh beli benda yang saya mahu. pujuk lagi, rm38 sebulan itu sudah boleh beli berbagai jenis makanan yang boleh isi perut dan jadi kenyang. lalu, saya senyum. tapi...saya masih cemburu. tidak apalah...


lain kali saja.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

MY FRIEND, DAKOTA

10 pm last night...
i saw Dakota.
she looks so depress and gloomy.
i wanna ask her..
why did she looks that way.
but i cant...coz she is keep crying.
i have no idea what to do...
then i just let her crying in my shoulder.
if only i knew why did she was crying...

2 am...
i was about to sleep.
Dakota call and she said she was on
her way to meet me.
i am not surprise...

i knew Dakota.
she was in a bad situation.
when Dakota arrived...
we have this conversation.
a very long conversation.
and i guess it is one of our deep conversation.
all this time...
she has nobody to talk to...
i am the one.

she told me that she feel so lonely.
she's deeply wanna be loved.
then as always i told her..

"i deeply loves you"

but she says...
"it is not enough!"

again...i am not surprise.
she wanted everyone loves her.
and i told her it is impossible!
and she's start crying.

i am wordless!

Dakota teached me about something...
we have to appreciate our child. they're gift from above. parents are the only one who could shape them. but Dakota's parents were failed. she's suffering from a lack of love. that is why she wanted everyone to loves her because she never been loved by her parents.

GHOST STORY I GUESS -_-

t h e s u i c i d e s o n g

Gloomy Sunday - the notorious 'Hungarian Suicide Song' - was written in 1933. Its melody and original lyrics were the creation of Rezső Seress, a self-taught pianist and composer born in Hungary in 1899.

The crushing hopelessness and bitter despair which characterised the two stanza penned by Seress were superseded by the more mournful, melancholic verses of Hungarian poet László Jávor.

When the song came to public attention it quickly earned its reputation as a 'suicide song'. Reports from Hungary alleged individuals had taken their lives after listening to the haunting melody, or that the lyrics had been left with their last letters.

The lyricists Sam M. Lewis and Desmond Carter each penned an English translatation of the song. It was Lewis's version, first recorded by Hal Kemp and his Orchestra, with Bob Allen on vocals (1936), that was to become the most widely covered.

The popularity of Gloomy Sunday increased greatly through its interpretation by Billie Holiday (1941). In an attempt to alleviate the pessemistic tone a third stanza was added to this version, giving the song a dreamy twist, yet still the suicide reputation remained. Gloomy Sunday was banned from the playlists of major radio broadcasters around the world. The B.B.C. deemed it too depressing for the airwaves.

Despite all such bans, Gloomy Sunday continued to be recorded and sold.

People continued to buy the recordings; some committed suicide.

Rezső Seress jumped to his death from his flat in 1968.

(but do you ever heard: if you dont believe it, it's never work!) :D

Monday, April 19, 2010

ON THE WINGS OF A BUTTERFLY: BFF. I MEAN, FOREVER :)



Your friendship is special
Like the flowers that bloom
Or when a butterfly emerges
From within its cocoon...

You remind me of that butterfly
Loving and free
Bright and colorful
For the world to see...

We will share sunshine and rainbows
Sometimes, the rain and the snow
We'll stand together through it
While the cold winds blow...

When the time is right
We won't stop to ask "Why?"
Our friendship will take flight
On the wings of a butterfly ...

MySpacei love you BFF!

DIA MENGERTI

last night, i was sitting out there...then i take a walk..all by myself.it was raining,the street was dark...and i feel dark inside of me. i remembering someone that i loved...very much...so much...and she's in a big trouble.i've been thinking about this trouble that cause her pain in a year and until now, i didnt see a way out. i was such a stupid girl! why did i cant see a way out! even one way out. i've so much dream about her. i want her to be happy.i swore i wont let anyone hurt her as i got hurt.but i cant.now she's been hurting more than i and that make me feel such a bitch! i am suck! i am an idiot. i cant protect her.im sorry dear...i am not tough as i think. im weak. and i hate myself because i let you hurt. then, i asked God....

"Bapa, saya tidak mampu melindungi dia.ambil nyawa dia...biar dia duduk bersamaMu di atas ya Bapa.saya terlalu lemah dan andainya dia akan lebih bahagia di atas, ambillah dia Bapa."

because, for a year..i didnt see a way out! but then i realize...percaya pada mukjizatnya... Tuhan tidak pernah berdusta.and i will trust You my Lord...until the end of my life.

terkadang kita merasa
tak ada jalan terbuka
tak ada lagi waktu
terlambat sudah.
Tuhan tak pernah berdusta
Dia slalu pegang janjiNya
bagi orang percaya
mukjizat nyata.
Dia mengerti
Dia peduli
persoalan yang sedang terjadi.
Dia mengerti
Dia peduli
persoalan yang kita alami
namun satu yang Dia minta
agar kita percaya
sampai mukjizat menjadi nyata.

thankyou Lord.

TRUE BESTFRIEND

laura's letter for her bestfriend, debby.

dear debby,
i am so thankful that i have you in my life and the fact that i saw an angel in you. and having you makes me content and pleased. there was such a plenty types of friends in this world and you are the true bestfriend type and i am so lucky for i having you. but debby, we havent talk heart by heart lately, didnt we? we never go to shopping together anymore. instead, we didnt having lunch or dinner together anymore. we never do stuff together...anymore. i am so sorry if i make you feel upset. i know sometimes im being such a mess and i guess i ruined everything about us. but for sure, i would never ever hurt you, bestfriend. i am not perfect but i do loves you. we've been friends for a long time and please...dont go. i love you debby. :(

for me, our friendship is a miracle itself.... a bless... a strength that enable us to go along this bumpy road knowing things will be just fine. for i know, i have you who cares enough about me no matter what happens....or what wrong i may do. are you feel the same debby? we sign our cards BFF and i was totally hoping that its meant forever. but i guess.... we are falling apart. :(
not by distance... or time... but us. you... me... us... please debby...tell me that i am so much wrong!

i am thankful, for your friendship, for your sisterhood... and i know, i am not the bestest friend you ever had. but... one thing for sure... you are my true bestfriend. i love you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

SOMETHING I WANNA TELL YOU SO LONG AGO

so much thing i wanna tell you. but i cant. if only you can see through my eyes..if only you can feel the pain you cause. if only you can hear my heart crying and screaming. if only i can touch your heart and tell you everything. if only i have the courage.

:( :( :( :( :(

i wanna tell you that i am so much hurt. i wanna tell you that you broke my little heart into thousand pieces. i wanna tell you that you are the only one who could make me up to heaven and make me down to the ground. you are the only one who could make me being both angel and devil. you are the only one who hold my heart.
i wanna tell you that i have this crazy crush with someone else because of you. because you hurt me deeply, love. i was so much hurt. but i know i have to forgive and forget. but i am not that tough. i just wanna tell you everything but i cant.

i wanna tell you how bad i am sorry...i wanna tell you i am so in love with you. i wanna tell you to not break my heart anymore. i wanna tell you to stay. so much i wanna tell you.

FORGIVENESS

to forgive is divine. it is a trait that we learn from the Lord. he has shown us that is possible to repent from our sins and that we can forgive others as well. forgiveness is more than saying the words, "i forgive you".i learn that if i still harbor hatred in my heart, well this is not the true forgiveness. in order to truly forgive i have to put myself in the other's place. i know i must try my best to understand why they could do such things to me. once i understand why did they do that, i may be able truly forgive them.

:)

forgiveness is not just about forgive others, but it also about forgive myself. but, i am too weak to forgive myself and i am always being such a burden in my life. i am a mess and i am not good at all. i think so much about what people has done to me.. and i keep blaming myself for everything. i wanna forgive myself and forgive others..but i am just too weak.

:(

MY NAME IS COCAINE

you may not know me, my name is cocaine.
I make people cry, I make people shout,
try me twice and you'll never get out.
Once you try me, you'll want more,
I live all around you, I might live next door.
When I possess you, you'll steal, cheat, and lie,
the crimes you'll commit just to get high.
If you need me, I live all around,
I live in your schools, I live in your town.
I'll take everything from you, your morals your pride,
once I'm with you, I’m always by your side.
You'll steal from your mom, and lie to your dad,
even when they cry you are never sad.
Come with me and do my ways,
forget your family and how you were raised.
I turn people from family, and separate friends,
and I'll be your friend in the very end.
Once you're with me you'll never love again,
You'll fade, and blow away with the wind.
I'll take away your family, your friends, your home,
then you won't have anyone, you'll be all alone.
I'll take until you have nothing left to give,
when I'm done with you, there will be no will to live.
I'm warning you this is no game,
you'll be lucky if I don't drive you insane.
I live with you everywhere, even in your bed,
the things you will see inside of your head.
Now that I've got you, you'll never be free,
at the end you'll regret ever trying me.
You should have said no, and walked away,
but instead you said yes and choose to stay.
I can bring more sorrow and misery that words can tell,
if you try me I'll lead you straight to hell.
Now I'm your master, you are my slave,
I'll go with you everywhere even to your grave.
Now that you're met me, what will you do?
will you try me or not, it's all up to you.

drugs cause the child's pain!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

FLASHBACK

i am on my bed reading some notes for my final when he call me and told me that he couldnt call me for this week because he's gonna be so much busy with his work. ya, i should understand him and that is the best way for us now. i'm gonna have my final and i need some space to study. thanks love.

but deep in my heart, i am missing him so bad. i wish i could see him on this coming christmas but it seems never come true. he's still tied with his schedule and we cant do nothing about that. he was far away at Kuching and he will get his break on february next year. it seems like we cant celebrate this coming christmas and the new year together. :(

i have been thinking so much about us. how bad i am and how cruel he had been. how much i love him and how much he had sacrificed. how deep we've been through this journey and how much we had fought! how much we've give and take. then, i realize..i should be someone who could heal his pain. someone who always can make he laugh. we can make this out dear..

we can through this and we will be happy ever after. i had been so much bad to you and i am so sorry..all of this time, im just think about what i want and i forgot that this is not just about me. but this is about us. you and me. i guess i should pay more attention on you. on us. not just me. i have to make you happy dear. and i know that you were always trying your best to not let me falling apart anymore.

in a true relationship, we give and take. we trust each other. i will trust you and i know you're on your way to trust me. for sure, i will be all that you want and get myself together.

ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

:)

D-DAY :)


since my goodfriend, both Stephanie Jefry and Albia Justin got married..i kept thinking about my day.

would it be beautiful? would it be the way i want it to be? would i be happily ever after with my man? would it? for sure, oo!! i cant wait for my day!
A couple's wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives. And obviously they are expected to talk after the ceremonies and what they say on this day especially matters not only to them but for a lot of other people who have come to witness their wedding. There are wedding showers where the couple is expected to speak and then there are toasts which the couple can speak for each other and the guests also can talk about the couple. A lot of couples write the poems themselves because they know the person whom they are going to marry the best and they are the best people to write about them.

But they have to ensure that whatever they write has to be sensible, sensitive, loving and beautiful. The bride and the groom have to feel special when it is read aloud in front of the guests. The words that are going to ornament the poem have to be chosen with care. It need not be complicated but they can be simple words which say a lot.

Everything they say about their better half has to be with a lot of pride.
i love to write a poem about my man. lol. i have so much thing to tell him but sure! it is all about everything that could make him feel special. i want that day be shine and full of love. i really cant wait. :)

I SAW A MAN CRYING

i saw a man crying for his friend today. his friend was lying there...in pain...without voice. and i saw that man sit besides his friend and he was crying. for this so many years, i didnt believe in man's tears.

but today, i saw a man crying so bad.i cant explain what am i thinking when i saw his tears... but i really touched.did man cry when they feel sad? when they feel bad? did that tears was real or they just fake it? im not sure..but today i saw a man crying for his friend.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

E N V Y


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

TWO CHILDRENS: COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

From the Abusive and Dysfunctional Home:

The child comes home from school and says
"Guess what, mom and dad? I got a B in school today! The parents say, "Why couldn't you have done better. Are you an idiot?

The same child comes running in one day and proudly states
"Mom, Dad, I mowed the lawn for you". The parents say, "Did you forget to put the garbage out, stupid?"

The same child gleefully announces to his mother,
"Mom I did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to surprise you!" The mother looks angrily at the child and says "Yea, and I bet you probably broke something and I know that you didn't clean your room, you are such a rotten child!"

While across the street the same scene...

From the Functional and Non Abusive Home:

The child comes home from school and says
"Guess what, mom and dad? I got a B in school today! The parents say, "Wow, fantastic son, we know that you did your best and we are very proud of you". Here's a big hug as a reward.

The same child comes running in one day and proudly states
"Mom, Dad, I mowed the lawn for you". The parents say, "Thanks, what a very thoughful child you are. I'm so glad that you mowed the lawn because it was getting long. We're so proud of you."

The same child gleefully annouces to his mother,
"Mom I did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to surprise you!" The mother looks lovingly at her child and states "How thoughtful and considerate you are. I really appreciate you doing all that and you did a fantastic job. You are so wonderful and we're very proud of you."

FOR EVERY CHILD WHO BEING ABUSED

For every child who cries at night
Alone with shame and fright
For every child who wants so much
To only feel a gentle touch
For the beaten child, who cries in pain
Whose tears run silent, like the rain
For the child used to satisfy lust
Who never learns to love or trust
For the child taken from his home
And made to feel so all alone
For the child whose home is just a shell
Where life becomes a living hell
For the child who smiles but cannot feel
Because of scars too deep to heal
For every child who yearns for love
I hope and pray to God above
To hear your cries and heal your pain
And give you back your life again.

YOU ARE PRECIOUS!

BONNIE'S STORY


NOW, she was 30 years old women and this is the story of her life. being abused and never stop the tears.

well, when she and her two sisters were tiny little girls, her mom and her dad got a divorce. and maybe like 6 months later, her mom met this man and his son, and they get married. and so he became their step dad and step brother.


it was winter time, she was like 8 or 9 years old and she dont know where her two sisters were, but she remember her mom and her step brother walking to the store and her ex step dad raped her while they were gone. next thing she was remember, she is sitting on the bathroom floor in a big puddle of blood. and when her mom and her step brother got home her mom came into the bathroom and saw her there. but her mom didnt do anything about it. she was too scared of bonnie's step dad. instead of calling the police,

her mom stayed married for seven horrible years. he used to move them around a lot they used to have start new schools all the time. her step dad continued having sex with her all the time they stayed married. even her step brother had sex with her as well.
her step dad moved them into this farm. and there were no house there or nothing. and her step dad bought this trailor that you hitch onto the back of a truck. they didnt have electric or water or anything. they had to go to school without having a bath, without clean clothes, and he use to beat the three of them and their mom all the time. they were so scared of him.

one day, she and her sisters were on their top bunk and she guess her step dad thought they looked at him funny or something. he came to them and punched bonnie in her belly as hard as he could. she passed out and her mom says her face turn black, she almost died.
finally, she remember her step dad asking all of them if they wanted them to divorce, this was like 7th years they married. she was tired of him and his son, then something inside of her made her brave (she think it was God). she remember she was sayin that she want them to get divorce. so the next day, they all went downtown and in a lawyers office and they started the divorce. and after the divorce, bonnie and her mom and her sisters moved to the town and they live happily together as a family. that is the story of bonnie.

dear readers, if you are getting abused, you need to please tell someone. so you can get the help that you need. and so that you can get out of this abuse. there are lots of people you can go to, a teacher at school, a family member that you trust. do it as fast as you can. and if some of us known that someone got abused, help them. they really need us.

kids are not for fun! they are precious!


A BOY'S POEM FOR HIS TEDDY

Teddy, i have been bad again.
my daddy told me so:
i am not quiet sure what i did wrong.
but i thought you might know.
when i woke up this morning,
i knew he was mad and
he yelling at my mommy.
and my mommy crying awful hard.
i tried my best to be real good,
and do just what he said.
i cleaned my room all by myself,
i even made my bed.
but i spilled milk on my good shirt,
when he yelled at me to hurry,
and i guess he didnt hear me.
when i told him i was sorry.
cause he hit me awful hard, you see,
and called me funny names.
and he told me i was really bad.
and i should be ashamed.
when i said, "i love you daddy"
i guess he didnt understand.
cause he yelled at me to shut my mouth.
or i did get smacked again.
so, i came up here to talk to you,
please tell me what to do.
cause i really love my daddy.
but i dont know does he loves me?
i dont think my daddy means
to hit me quite so hard.
i guess sometimes, growns-up forget,
how big they really are.
so Teddy, i wish you are real.
and you weren't just a little bear.
then you could help me to find a way.
to tell daddies everywhere.
to please try hard to understand.
how sad it makes us feel.
cause the outside pain soon goes away.
but the inside never heals.
and if we could make them listen,
maybe then they did understand.
so other children like me..
wouldnt have to hurt again.
but for now, i guess i'll hold you tight.
and pretend the pain is not there.
i know you did never hurt me.
i love you...

so goodnight Teddy.
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