FORGIVENESS

to forgive is divine. it is a trait that we learn from the Lord. he has shown us that is possible to repent from our sins and that we can forgive others as well. forgiveness is more than saying the words, "i forgive you".i learn that if i still harbor hatred in my heart, well this is not the true forgiveness. in order to truly forgive i have to put myself in the other's place. i know i must try my best to understand why they could do such things to me. once i understand why did they do that, i may be able truly forgive them.

:)

forgiveness is not just about forgive others, but it also about forgive myself. but, i am too weak to forgive myself and i am always being such a burden in my life. i am a mess and i am not good at all. i think so much about what people has done to me.. and i keep blaming myself for everything. i wanna forgive myself and forgive others..but i am just too weak.

:(

MY NAME IS COCAINE

you may not know me, my name is cocaine.
I make people cry, I make people shout,
try me twice and you'll never get out.
Once you try me, you'll want more,
I live all around you, I might live next door.
When I possess you, you'll steal, cheat, and lie,
the crimes you'll commit just to get high.
If you need me, I live all around,
I live in your schools, I live in your town.
I'll take everything from you, your morals your pride,
once I'm with you, I’m always by your side.
You'll steal from your mom, and lie to your dad,
even when they cry you are never sad.
Come with me and do my ways,
forget your family and how you were raised.
I turn people from family, and separate friends,
and I'll be your friend in the very end.
Once you're with me you'll never love again,
You'll fade, and blow away with the wind.
I'll take away your family, your friends, your home,
then you won't have anyone, you'll be all alone.
I'll take until you have nothing left to give,
when I'm done with you, there will be no will to live.
I'm warning you this is no game,
you'll be lucky if I don't drive you insane.
I live with you everywhere, even in your bed,
the things you will see inside of your head.
Now that I've got you, you'll never be free,
at the end you'll regret ever trying me.
You should have said no, and walked away,
but instead you said yes and choose to stay.
I can bring more sorrow and misery that words can tell,
if you try me I'll lead you straight to hell.
Now I'm your master, you are my slave,
I'll go with you everywhere even to your grave.
Now that you're met me, what will you do?
will you try me or not, it's all up to you.

drugs cause the child's pain!

FLASHBACK

i am on my bed reading some notes for my final when he call me and told me that he couldnt call me for this week because he's gonna be so much busy with his work. ya, i should understand him and that is the best way for us now. i'm gonna have my final and i need some space to study. thanks love.

but deep in my heart, i am missing him so bad. i wish i could see him on this coming christmas but it seems never come true. he's still tied with his schedule and we cant do nothing about that. he was far away at Kuching and he will get his break on february next year. it seems like we cant celebrate this coming christmas and the new year together. :(

i have been thinking so much about us. how bad i am and how cruel he had been. how much i love him and how much he had sacrificed. how deep we've been through this journey and how much we had fought! how much we've give and take. then, i realize..i should be someone who could heal his pain. someone who always can make he laugh. we can make this out dear..

we can through this and we will be happy ever after. i had been so much bad to you and i am so sorry..all of this time, im just think about what i want and i forgot that this is not just about me. but this is about us. you and me. i guess i should pay more attention on you. on us. not just me. i have to make you happy dear. and i know that you were always trying your best to not let me falling apart anymore.

in a true relationship, we give and take. we trust each other. i will trust you and i know you're on your way to trust me. for sure, i will be all that you want and get myself together.

ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.

:)

D-DAY :)

since my goodfriend, both Stephanie Jefry and Albia Justin got married..i kept thinking about my day.

would it be beautiful? would it be the way i want it to be? would i be happily ever after with my man? would it? for sure, oo!! i cant wait for my day! A couple's wedding day is one of the most important days of their lives. And obviously they are expected to talk after the ceremonies and what they say on this day especially matters not only to them but for a lot of other people who have come to witness their wedding. There are wedding showers where the couple is expected to speak and then there are toasts which the couple can speak for each other and the guests also can talk about the couple. A lot of couples write the poems themselves because they know the person whom they are going to marry the best and they are the best people to write about them.

But they have to ensure that whatever they write has to be sensible, sensitive, loving and beautiful. The bride and the groom have to feel special when it is read aloud in front of the guests. The words that are going to ornament the poem have to be chosen with care. It need not be complicated but they can be simple words which say a lot.

Everything they say about their better half has to be with a lot of pride. i love to write a poem about my man. lol. i have so much thing to tell him but sure! it is all about everything that could make him feel special. i want that day be shine and full of love. i really cant wait. :)

I SAW A MAN CRYING

i saw a man crying for his friend today. his friend was lying there...in pain...without voice. and i saw that man sit besides his friend and he was crying. for this so many years, i didnt believe in man's tears.

but today, i saw a man crying so bad.i cant explain what am i thinking when i saw his tears... but i really touched.did man cry when they feel sad? when they feel bad? did that tears was real or they just fake it? im not sure..but today i saw a man crying for his friend.

E N V Y

TWO CHILDRENS: COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

From the Abusive and Dysfunctional Home:

The child comes home from school and says "Guess what, mom and dad? I got a B in school today! The parents say, "Why couldn't you have done better. Are you an idiot?

The same child comes running in one day and proudly states "Mom, Dad, I mowed the lawn for you". The parents say, "Did you forget to put the garbage out, stupid?"

The same child gleefully announces to his mother, "Mom I did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to surprise you!" The mother looks angrily at the child and says "Yea, and I bet you probably broke something and I know that you didn't clean your room, you are such a rotten child!"

While across the street the same scene...

From the Functional and Non Abusive Home:

The child comes home from school and says "Guess what, mom and dad? I got a B in school today! The parents say, "Wow, fantastic son, we know that you did your best and we are very proud of you". Here's a big hug as a reward.

The same child comes running in one day and proudly states "Mom, Dad, I mowed the lawn for you". The parents say, "Thanks, what a very thoughful child you are. I'm so glad that you mowed the lawn because it was getting long. We're so proud of you."

The same child gleefully annouces to his mother, "Mom I did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to surprise you!" The mother looks lovingly at her child and states "How thoughtful and considerate you are. I really appreciate you doing all that and you did a fantastic job. You are so wonderful and we're very proud of you."

FOR EVERY CHILD WHO BEING ABUSED

For every child who cries at night
Alone with shame and fright
For every child who wants so much
To only feel a gentle touch
For the beaten child, who cries in pain
Whose tears run silent, like the rain
For the child used to satisfy lust
Who never learns to love or trust
For the child taken from his home
And made to feel so all alone
For the child whose home is just a shell
Where life becomes a living hell
For the child who smiles but cannot feel
Because of scars too deep to heal
For every child who yearns for love
I hope and pray to God above
To hear your cries and heal your pain
And give you back your life again.

YOU ARE PRECIOUS!

BONNIE'S STORY

NOW, she was 30 years old women and this is the story of her life. being abused and never stop the tears.

well, when she and her two sisters were tiny little girls, her mom and her dad got a divorce. and maybe like 6 months later, her mom met this man and his son, and they get married. and so he became their step dad and step brother.

it was winter time, she was like 8 or 9 years old and she dont know where her two sisters were, but she remember her mom and her step brother walking to the store and her ex step dad raped her while they were gone. next thing she was remember, she is sitting on the bathroom floor in a big puddle of blood. and when her mom and her step brother got home her mom came into the bathroom and saw her there. but her mom didnt do anything about it. she was too scared of bonnie's step dad. instead of calling the police,

her mom stayed married for seven horrible years. he used to move them around a lot they used to have start new schools all the time. her step dad continued having sex with her all the time they stayed married. even her step brother had sex with her as well. her step dad moved them into this farm. and there were no house there or nothing. and her step dad bought this trailor that you hitch onto the back of a truck. they didnt have electric or water or anything. they had to go to school without having a bath, without clean clothes, and he use to beat the three of them and their mom all the time. they were so scared of him.

one day, she and her sisters were on their top bunk and she guess her step dad thought they looked at him funny or something. he came to them and punched bonnie in her belly as hard as he could. she passed out and her mom says her face turn black, she almost died. finally, she remember her step dad asking all of them if they wanted them to divorce, this was like 7th years they married. she was tired of him and his son, then something inside of her made her brave (she think it was God). she remember she was sayin that she want them to get divorce. so the next day, they all went downtown and in a lawyers office and they started the divorce. and after the divorce, bonnie and her mom and her sisters moved to the town and they live happily together as a family. that is the story of bonnie.

dear readers, if you are getting abused, you need to please tell someone. so you can get the help that you need. and so that you can get out of this abuse. there are lots of people you can go to, a teacher at school, a family member that you trust. do it as fast as you can. and if some of us known that someone got abused, help them. they really need us.

kids are not for fun! they are precious!

A BOY'S POEM FOR HIS TEDDY

Teddy, i have been bad again.
my daddy told me so:
i am not quiet sure what i did wrong.
but i thought you might know.
when i woke up this morning,
i knew he was mad and
he yelling at my mommy.
and my mommy crying awful hard.
i tried my best to be real good,
and do just what he said.
i cleaned my room all by myself,
i even made my bed.
but i spilled milk on my good shirt,
when he yelled at me to hurry,
and i guess he didnt hear me.
when i told him i was sorry.
cause he hit me awful hard, you see,
and called me funny names.
and he told me i was really bad.
and i should be ashamed.
when i said, "i love you daddy"
i guess he didnt understand.
cause he yelled at me to shut my mouth.
or i did get smacked again.
so, i came up here to talk to you,
please tell me what to do.
cause i really love my daddy.
but i dont know does he loves me?
i dont think my daddy means
to hit me quite so hard.
i guess sometimes, growns-up forget,
how big they really are.
so Teddy, i wish you are real.
and you weren't just a little bear.
then you could help me to find a way.
to tell daddies everywhere.
to please try hard to understand.
how sad it makes us feel.
cause the outside pain soon goes away.
but the inside never heals.
and if we could make them listen,
maybe then they did understand.
so other children like me..
wouldnt have to hurt again.
but for now, i guess i'll hold you tight.
and pretend the pain is not there.
i know you did never hurt me.
i love you...

so goodnight Teddy.