❤ FALL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER BOY ❤

In my dream children sing a song of love for every boy and girl
The sky is blue and fields are green and laughter is the language of the world
Then I wake and all I see is a world full of people in need

Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don't understand.
When so many need somebody we don't give a helping hand.
Tell me why?

Everyday I ask myself what will I have to do to be a man?
Do I have to stand and fight to prove to everybody who I am?
Is that what my life is for to waste in a world full of war?

Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don't understand.
When so many need somebody we don't give a helping hand.
Tell me why?

(children) tell me why? (declan) tell me why?
(children) tell me why? (declan) tell me why?
(together) just tell me why, why, why?

Tell me why (why) does it have to be like this?
Tell me why (why) is there something I have missed?
Tell me why (why) cos I don't understand.
When so many need somebody we don't give a helping hand.

Tell me why (why,why,does the tiger run)
Tell me why (why why do we shoot the gun)
Tell me why (why,why do we never learn)
Can someone tell us why we let the forest burn?

(why,why do we say we care)
Tell me why (why,why do we stand and stare)
Tell me why (why,why do the dolphins cry)
Can some one tell us why we let the ocean die ?

(why,why if we're all the same)
tell me why (why,why do we pass the blame)
tell me why (why,why does it never end)
can some one tell us why we cannot just be friends?
why,why?

baru tau kewujudan ni budak.
lambat sy ni. huh! anyway, i was so much into this song.
slalunya, bila sy in a big problem...sy slalu berharap ada somebody yang
boleh jadi tempat untuk sy lean on, at least. bukan ja benda yang besar..
even yang keci2 ja pun
sy slalu berharap macam tu. ni lagu buat sy bepikir...
sy pernah ka jadi someone yang boleh orang harapkan?
someone yang boleh orang lean on beside sy yang slalu mo lean sama orang.
maybe, all this time sy slalu berharap sama orang tapi...
sy nda peduli apa yang orang lain harapkan dari sy.
sandih sy ni...
sy slalu anggap macam sy ni orang paling malang.
sy slalu cakap..antara suma kawan2 yang sy kenal,
sy la kunun yang paling susah la, paling miskin la,
paling buduh la... macam2 la sy cakap sama diri sy. sampaikan
sy told my mama sy ni malang.
masa tu sy langsung nda pikir perasaan mama sy.
pastu mama sa cakap...
"bila kita rasa kita paling malang dalam dunia,
bila kita rasa kita paling miskin antara suma kawan2 kita,
ingat ja ada orang lain yang langsung nda penah rasa ubi pun,
malah nda penah pakai selipar jipun,
dan yang langsung nda penah nampak mama bapa dia."
and i guess thats make me stronger.
even belum cukup strong, at least strong sikit la dari dulu2.
tengkiuu mama..

❤ FALL IN LOVE WITH A BOY ❤

Some kids have and some kids don't
And some of us are wondering why
Mom won't watch the news at night
There's too much stuff that's making her cry
We need some help
Down here on earth
A thousand prayers, a million words
But one voice was heard

A house, a yard, a neighborhood
Where you can ride your new bike to school
A kind of world where Mom and dad
Still believe in the golden rule
Life's not that simple
Down here on earth
A thousand prayers, a million words
But one voice was heard

One voice, one simple word
Hearts know what to say
One dream can change the world
Keep believing
Till you find a way

Yesterday while walking home
I saw some kid on newberry road
He pulled a pistol from his bag
And tossed it in the river below
Thanks for the help
Down here on earth
A thousand prayers, a million words
But one voice was heard
One voice was heard
One voice was heard

SUPER DUPER HAPPY DAY!

it's nothing actually, but i am just so happy today. it's holiday! i can go home now!!


!!hooraaaayyy!!

BUTTERFLY FLY AWAY

you tuck me in
turn out the light
kept me safe and sound at night,
little girls depend on things like that.

brush my teeth and combed my hair,
had to drive me everywhere.
you were always there when i looked back.

you had to do it alone
make a living, make a home.
must have been as hard as it could be.

and then i couldnt sleep at night
scare things wouldnt turn out right.
you would hold my hand and sing to me.

caterpillar on the tree, how you wonder who you'll be,
cant go far but you can always dream
wish you may and wish you might
dont you worry, hold on tight.
i promise you there will come a day
butterfly fly away.
butterfly3...

butterfly fly away...

SORRY...

i feel bad. im sorry??

HUH! FINAL PAPER.

besok was my final paper for this semester.

yay! tapi, satu apapun belum baca. sudah la before this dalam kelas tau main seja sama kawan sarawakian sy ~SUZIE JOHN~
sorry G, tertaip full name ko dalam ni.
hehhehhehehe

selama ni aktiviti sy dalam class...main, makan, tidur, kacau orang.
slalu jadi mangsa kana kacau c suzie ni la. kecian jua sy tengok dia tepaksa besabar sama sy... hehehhee
kalo subjek yang sy minat berabis baru sy concentrate. huh! pa mo jadi sama sy ni... ba, matai la sy besok ni. bukan subjek susah jua baitu kan. senang2 tu..kasi senang pikiran. ba, sy nda mo dengar sepa2 punya cakap harini.
sy ada projek ni malam sama housemate sy. kami mo tengok mentor mentee pastu kasi ketawa suma tu mentee kunun... lucu ba dorang tu. tapi itu yang time baru kana pilih2 mentor la...nda tau skarang kan.

uiiii...sy mo cakap pasal final paper baini. ish2... besok petang ba baru ada paper. jadi sy still got the time ba. ngehehhehe...matai la kalo macam ni slalu.
nescaya fail!

besok im gonna be like this:

PHILOSOPHY

~IF YOU HOLD ELEVEN DIFFERENT ROSES IN FRONT OF A MIRROR, YOU WILL SEE THE TWELVE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD~

~FEAR, ANGER, HATE, AND REVENGE ARE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS; REPLACE THEM SLOWLY WITH LOVE, SHARING, AND COMPASSION, AND HAPPINESS WILL FOLLOW AUTOMATICALLY~

~IF SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD THEN FORGET THEM~

~WHEN THE CATERPILLAR THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS COMING TO AN END SHE BECAME A BUTTERFLY~

~DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, BE WITH THE ONES WHO MAKE YOU SMILE. LAUGH AS MUCH AS YOU BREATH AND LOVE AS LONG AS YOU LIVE~

~HAPPY SUNDAY~

happy sunday!!

every sunday kan mesti sy ingat di rumah oo. sy rindu betul ni. kalo di rumah, sunday tu hari paling syok la kunun. abis, kami boleh jalan2 sama mama...semua adik2 pun ada di rumah kan time tu. kecuali little bro sy c as yang keja di kk dia jarang la balik rumah. bila dia balik tambah syok ni. bro sy satorang lagi, c indit yang tinggal d hostel skolah pun, kalo dia nda balik rumah,
kami bejumpa di pekan.

kalo di rumah, pagi sunday tu awal lagi suma sudah bangun. kalo mama bangun suma trus kana kasi bangun. kalo masih pura2 tidur kana ugut nda kana bawa p church. hehe...bapa paling lambat bangun.
susah betul ni mo kasi bangun bapa.
kadang2 dia sudah bangun..tapi lambat2 lagi. mama pun kadang2 lambat bangun la. bila mama bangun lambat, sy orang kedua yang kana harap mo kasi bangun suma orang di rumah. tapi kadang2 sy pun pura2 lambat bangun sebab malas mo bangun. tapi tepaksa juga bangun sebab takut kana marah. hehe....

bapa, kalo dia sudah bangun, dia nyanyi2 lagi...pusing2 rumah lagi...p tandas...mandi...adooiii lambat betul bapa. tapi kalo pasal keja dia, cepat ni. kalo sunday dia jadi lambat. malas p church lang mama sy.

kalo mama sy...dia bangun ja trus siap ni. hehe nda la macam tu cepat.
tapi nda lambat cam bapa sa.
bila mama sudah siap, dia slalu ikat rambut cheche.
sebab sy pandai marah kalo ikat rambut cheche
sebab cheche ogura. sy kapanas ni. eee jat ne sy...
walau pa pun..mama manusia paling sabar di dunia kan.
im so lucky having my mom!

hehe...adik2 pla..besanya kami adik beradik tinggal 5 lagi di rumah. semua girls. kiding, manda, diudiu, cheche sama sy. ba, apa tidak tambah pening ni.
bapa satorang lagi laki di rumah. cian jua la dia teda kawan.
ngehehhehe....
yang little sisters sy ni pun suma kira sudah besar la. yang dua paling kici..diudiu, tahun 2, sama cheche baru 5 tahun..nda susah mo urus. tapi kalo pasal baju mo p church sy yang tukang kasi pakai dorang baju.tapi sy rasa bertuah sebab nda susah mo urus adik2 sy...dorang pakai ja apa yang ada. tapi mo jua kunun comel2. gitu la budak2 kan.
tapi kadang2 sy kapanas ni abis pandai2 p ambi lipgloss sy.
(tapi bila sendiri2 macam ni rindu pla ingat).

pas abis misa, besanya mama ada meeting sama kawan2 dia. adik pempuan sy, c kiding ikut penguatan. manda ikut PPA. diudiu sama cheche ikut sunday school. bapa jalan p jumpa kawan2...tinggal sy satorang lagi duduk2 di kantin church tunggu dorang. sy nda mo ikut bapa sy. borink. hehe tapi besanya, diudiu sama cheche nda lama. bila dorang sudah abis, sy bawa dorang jalan2, lepak2 di pekan. ice cool slalu jadi tempat lepak kami. di ice cool, orang banyak lepak sama kawan2, sama boipren atau gelpren...jarang ada lepak sama adik2 yang masih kici sana ice cool. tapi ni adik sy dua orang suka lepak sana. slalu mo minum milky tea. adoiii sy ingat2 masa sa kici2 nda tau lepak2 ni o.tapi ikut sepa jua dorang kan...hehehhe...yang penting nda ajar dorang buat yang jat2.
kadang2 ada jua tu boipren sy. kalo dia ada, sama2 la kami.
adik2 sy suka dia.

bila mama sudah abis meeting, mama bawa p makan. suruh call bapa sama indit. pastu kami ramai2 la makan. c as seja yang teda. kalo dia ada tambah syok ni. bila kumpul ramai2 macam tu...happy betul ni. lepas makan, kami balik rumah. indit stay di pekan lagi sama kawan2 dia... abis dia tinggal hostel kan. sampai rumah, kami suma rest. kumpul di ruang tamu, tengok tv... bapa besanya tidur.
patutlah dia gumuk. haha...macam sy nda gumuk.

waaaaa....syok betul o sunday. tapi... lama sudah sy nda balik kg. dari bulan december tahun lalu lagi. skarang sudah tahun 2010. mama sy cakap, manda tinggal hostel sudah sama2 c indit. jadi maksudnya di rumah tinggal sikit la.


eeee...sy rindu betul o di rumah!!
sunday---> hari paling banyak kali sy ingat pasal rumah.

happy sunday... tapi sy sedih sebab rindu.

CINDERELLA MAN

i am so much into this true story about James. J. Braddock. they said, in all the history of the boxing game you find no human interest story to compare with the life narrative of him. i watched this movie for like five, six times but i wont get bored and i cried even i already knew the story. i cant help myself. it was such a great life's story. and the quotes were great!

i cant forget those quotes.

~PEOPLE DIE IN FAIRY TALES ALL THE TIME.

~FOR TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, I WOULD FIGHT YOUR WIFE.

~MAYBE I UNDERSTAND, SOME, ABOUT HAVING TO FIGHT. SO YOU JUST REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

~YOU ARE THE BULLDOG OF BERGEN, AND THE PRIDE OF NEW JERSEY. YOU'RE EVERYBODY'S HOPE, AND THE KIDS HERO, AND YOU'RE THE CHAMPION OF MY HEART JAMES J. BRADDOCK!

~EVERYTIME YOU GET HIT, FEELS LIKE IM GETTING HIT TOO.

~YOU THINK YOU'RE TELLING ME SOMETHING? LIKE, WHAT, BOXING IS DANGEROUS, SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

~YOU DONT THINK WORK TRIPPLE SHIFTS AND AT NIGHT ON
A SCAFFOLDS ISNT JUST LIKELY TO GET A MAN KILLED?

~WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE GUY WHO DIED LAST WEEK LIVING IN CARDBOARD SHACKS TO SAVE ON RENT MONEY
JUST TO FEED THEIR FAMILY.

~BUT IN MY PROFESSION-AND IT IS MY PROFESSION-
IM A LITTLE MORE FORTUNATE.

~DAD, IM BEING QUIET, IM BEING GOOD, IM BEING-HAVE!

MY LALALA SATURDAY!

hari ni sy punya happy saturday. itu yang sy plan. sy bangun tadi pagi, awal sikitlah dari besa. hehe...jam 9 kira awal la ba tu kan. walaupun sy tidak terus bangun dari tilam...eh, bukan tilam. sy nda tidur atas tilam. tidur atas toto ja.sy baring2 lagi. kasi panjang pikiran lagi. pastu pikir pasal kemarin. apa feel sy kemarin tu ahh...
banyak la sy pikir. pikir pasal nda sabar mo get back to sabah. pikir pasal mo kasi abis study sini cepat2. bila da abis study sini...sy mo forget semua benda yang jadi di sini. pasal kawan2..semua sy mo lupa. kunun la.

hari ni..sy cuba kasi rasional pikiran sy. kemarin sy betul2 macam...nda tau la macam apa. crazeeeeeeyyy la kemarin tu. normal la kan ada bad day. kemarin rasa alone kunun ni. adeehhh...memang setiap orang kadang2 hanya ada diri sendiri. bukan every time ada orang lain untuk kita. bukan every second kita breath orang akan ada untuk dengar apa yang kita mo share.

ya, dan sy bukan mo every second orang lain ada masa untuk sy sy paham... kadang2 kita nda boleh berharap too much sama orang len. kita nda boleh terus minta perhatian atau kasih sayang kaaa...atau minta2 kena dengar apa yang kita mo cakap. sy cuma minta sikit ja. sy cuma mo seseorang yang boleh support sy... di masa sy really2 need someone. bukan setiap saat. tapi tu la...tidak semestinya bila di masa sy betul2 perlu seseorang, tu orang free untuk sy kan. maybe time tu dia pun ada hal dia sendiri maaa...
epie2.. koini kan.. kad kuning terus! sy tau teda manusia yang boleh bagi kita ruang dan masa setiap saat kita bernafas di dunia. kalo ada manusia macam tu..tuhan sudah laitu. memang bukan semua orang paham kita. sebab setiap manusia unik. ya, teda manusia len akan paham manusia len 100%. mustahil. even diri sendiri pun susah mo paham. apa lagi mo paham orang len kan. tapi kadang2 bagi sa...kita perlu listen dan cuba dekat sama orang len apalagi kalo ni orang penting dalam hidup kita. len la kalo tu orang nda penting sama dia kaaan.

bagi sy..kawan2 boleh jadi something yang sangat important dalam hidup sy mungkin sebab ni sy slalu sakit sebab kawan sy. sejak form 1 lagi sy slalu rasa sakit sebab kawan. masa skolah rendah, sy nda rasa apa2 pasal kawan. maybe sebab masa tu...masih budak2 lagi kan. belum tau lagi camana rasa kena ignore..isolated. masa tu...sy cuma rasa marah bila kawan2 baik sy kena kasi main2 orang len. masa budak2 memang la masa paling bahagia. heheh...tapi skarang..bila sudah dewasa macam ni..dewasa kunun ahh..hehe..bila terasa isolated...memang sangat sakit. mungkin sebab sy ada pemikiran yang tidak rasional pasal kawan. apa pikiran tidak rasional sy dalam friendship ahhh??
maybe..

1. sy mesti sayang kawan sy.
2. kawan boleh share semuanya.
3. kawan akan terima sy walaupun dorang tengok sy dari 'jendela hitam'.
4. kawan mesti care each other.
5. eiiii banyak lagi tapi maybe sy nda sedar. huh!

eh, ni bukan pasal sembarangan kawan ni. hehe..tapi..tula, pemikiran tidak rasional sy ni yang buat sy sendiri sakit...dan maybe sy kasi sakit orang len dengan pemikiran sy yang betul2 nda rasional ni. macam teori REBT...(masuk teori terus!) selagi ada pemikiran2 yang tidak rasional dalam diri individu, selagi itu individu itu bermasalah. sama macam sy. sy sedar..selagi ada pemikiran tidak rasional sy ni...selagi itulah sy akan terus bermasalah. bukan orang len sebenarnya yang ada masalah sama sy. tapi sy yang ada masalah. sebab tu kunun...sy mo berubah. mo ubah ni pemikiran2 tidak rasional. mana boleh ooo kan macam ni sampai bila2. silap2 nda jadi konselor. masuk bukit padang pla (rumah sakit jiwa d kk).
uiiii sy namo jadi macam tu. eeeeiii palis2..


oya, memang teda manusia yang perrrrrrfect. tapi macam kawan sy cakap, kita boleh learn to be better. kalo perfect, tuhan sudah laitu. adedehh...

jadi...kunun2 la...hopefully sy dapat buat semua yang sy kasi list ni kunun ahh..

1. sy nda mo telampau care sama apa orang len buat atau cakap atau pikir pasal sy.
2. sy nda berharap orang akan bagi macam apa yang sy bagi.
3. sy nda boleh ubah orang len tapi sy yang harus berubah.
4. kalo orang ignore sy, ignore seja. sy nda peduli lagi.
5. kalo orang nda mo senyum atau ketawa atau becakap sama sy...itu hak dorang tu.
6. kalo sy ditakdirkan...(hahahaha) bersendirian ever after, sy okai seja. :P
7. sy ada kawan, cuma semua orang perlu ruang masing2.
8. tu boipren sy sayang baitu sama sy. cuma dia pun mo masa sendiri.
9. sy boleh jadi lebih baik pada masa depan. kuheeeii... ngeheheh

kunun2 la harini sy nda mo sedih2. sy mo happy2 seja. tapi...sy lapar. duit pun teda. camana la ni. sy minta tolong c adiq beli sosej karang petang. tapi sy lapar tahap gaban suda ni skarang. matai la. begagar ni badan sy tahan lapar. nanti karang sy kuar la ni p membeli sana depan. apa kunun kaitan ni sama cerita sy?? -_-

errrmmm...lagi, nda lama lagi mo balik ranau! yehaaaa!! happy happy happy!!

teda sepa akan mampu buat kita happy kalo bukan diri sendiri. happiness bukan datang sendiri sama kita. kita yang mesti cari tu happiness. tapi kalo happiness maniac (boleh ka cakap macam ni?) pun bahaya jua tu. jadi..pindik kata...sederhana la dalam segala sesuatu.

yes! Tuhan, gimme strength!!
amen!